能在短時間內建立起友誼當然是件很棒的事情，但我們要知道，有很多友誼建立的過程相對緩慢，并且這種友誼往往會隨著時間的推移而越發美妙。有些人在敞開心扉建立一段新關系方面的節奏會往往會比較慢。不管你個人的理由是什么，都還是有可能建立起一段新的關系的。但這要求你要從內心舒適區走出來，并且要承擔被決絕的風險。

四步建立起一段可以維持恒溫的友誼

Step 1: Gather the Wood

第一步：收集木材

The first step is widening the pool of potential friends. Is there an online “meet-up” you would like to attend? An upcoming opening of a new art gallery? A 5K for a charity about which you care? You must find a way to meet new people – friendships cannot happen in a vacuum!

那么第一步就是擴展潛在朋友的圈子。你愿意參加在線聚會嗎?一個即將開放的藝術館?一個你所關心的5公里遠的慈善機構?你就必須要找到一個認識新人群的方式——在封閉的環境下是不可能建立起友誼的。

Step 2: Lay the Fire

第二步：準備生火

The next step is beginning a conversation with a potential friend. Make a comment about the event you are at or the setting you are in.

下一步就是開始與潛在的朋友展開交往。對你目前所經歷的事或你目前所處的環境進行評價。

For instance, you might open with something like “Wow, the instructor sure makes eagle pose look easy!” or “I’ve only run in one 5K before – how many have you completed?” or "This book was a tedius read at first, but I really got into the story midway through."

例如，你可以這樣開始一段談話：”哇，這個教練做二式棲息鷹的動作看起來好輕松哦!“或者"我之前只跑過一個5公里，你完成了多少呀?“或者”我起初看這本書時，覺得好乏味啊，但是讀到一半時，我就深深被它所吸引了。“

Step 3: Strike the Match

第三步：點燃火柴

If the potential friend responds warmly and you believe you are both enjoying the small talk, you may want to take another step. Find a way to determine if this person shares your interest in the type of event you are at and then assess whether you feel that you would like to begin building a friendship.

如果這個潛在的朋友對你進行了熱情的回應，那么你就能相信你們都在享受這個簡短的交談，這時你就可以進行下一步了。想辦法搞清楚這個人對你正在經歷的這個事情是否與你一樣感興趣，然后搞清楚你自己是否想要開始建立起一段友誼。

For instance, you might say, “Wow, this has been fun! Are there any other cool art exhibits around town now?” or “I am so glad that I was able to fit this "craft fest/salsa night/event name" into my schedule this week! Do you often attend these, too?”

例如，你可以說：”哇，這個真棒!目前城里還有別的什么精彩的藝術展覽嗎?“或者”我很高興這周我有時間去參加工藝節/薩爾薩舞會等(事件名稱)，你也經常參加這些活動嗎?“

Step 4: Keep the Friendship Flame Burning

第四步：將友誼之火燃起

If you and the potential friend feel a mutual willingness to take the relationship a little deeper, tentatively mention a potential second meeting.

如果你和你潛在的朋友彼此都有意愿將這個關系進行地更深一些，那么就可以試探性地開啟一個別的見面的契機。

Say something like, “So many cool ideas were shared at this writer’s club, do you want to go get coffee and continue our conversation?”

你可以這樣說：”這個作家俱樂部分享了這么多的精彩的觀點，你想出去喝杯咖啡繼續談談嗎?“

If you get rejected, you can cover with something like, “Yeah, you’re right – I didn’t realize how late it was! Maybe we can touch bases again next month? Or we could meet up before that meeting?”

如果你被拒絕了，你可以這樣說：”嗯，你是對的——我沒意識到時間已經這么晚了!我們下個月再聯系?或者我們可以在下次聚會之前見一面?“

You are showing your interest in continuing the conversation and establishing a friendship, but not pressuring the potential friend.

這樣說既表達了你想要繼續這段關系并且將其發展為朋友關系的意愿，同時也沒有給這位潛在的朋友施加什么壓力。

無論你和你的新朋友屬于一見面就很投緣或者屬于經歷了一段時間才建立起一段關系，好朋友的價值永遠不會縮水的。你要敢于承擔風險，接受這樣一個事實，即：雖然被拒絕是令人難過的，但難過也只是暫時的。始終保持你前進的勢頭并且要記住：不是每個人都會成為你的朋友，但真正的好朋友是值得你冒險的。